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Friday, April 10, 2009

i'm exhausted .
and i can't get dilemmas out of my mind.
i'm going back in three weeks,
or maybe four if i can get an extension.
but.
i'm just....
so so lost.

i could actually be 'young' again .... i wouldn't have to worry about the future, because there wouldn't BE any future. i could live each day for each day, without worrying about anyone else but myself. i could be a spinster forever and learn from my grand aunt and get a baby without gettin married. i could actually just take a gun and blast my brains out all over this computer screen.

but then here i go again being all dramatic.
must be all this shakespeare.

but in reality.
i AM lost.
i've always had a very very secure plan for the future. and this semester it gets blown to bitsy piecies.

but at the same time
i feel free.
thing is, i don't want to be free.
but sometimes i'm not given a choice.
is that all it will take?
just one obstacle, and you'd let me go, you'd let our friendship go?
just, "oh, we can't be close anymore because of reasons i can't tell you" and then i'm expected to sit there and quietly accept it?
if i had done that, what would you have done?
just let ur best friend walk out of your life forever?
am i even still your best friend?
i don't even know if you'll ever read this.
i don't even know how much you even care.
yeah sure you say you care, who doesn't say they care,
but honestly i can't really see it.
i
just
can't
see
it.

it's all up to you i guess.
if you want our friendship to continue, you have to fight for it.
i'm tired.

& it's a new day at{ 2:41 AM

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